Do you ever have those moments where you realise you’ve been thinking far too much and doing even less?
I dunno about you but lately I’ve been really picking up on certain ‘energies.’ I don’t even know if that’s the correct way to phrase that sentence...I’m a relative newbie to the spiritual world, or if that’s even where this is going, but as I really hone in on making sure my own relationship with food and my body stays healed and strong, I’ve been learning to wear my intuition on my sleeve, if you will. To open up to deeper thinking and letting myself explore parts of my head and heart that were very much ‘off-limits’ when I was stuck in self-hate and food-fear town.
Lately, I’ve either been feeling so low on energy, so un-motivated and so stuck it’s like I can’t get back up without some kind of other-world force pulling me there, or, If I catch on to a good vibe, I’m squeezing every last morsel of magic out of my day. I’m getting things done, being creative, balancing my work with exercise, a social life and personal rest as elegantly as a cirque de solei performer.
There’s been no in-between...
...I tried to figure out if it had something to do with the moon but that took me down a path of research that was way too “out-there” for me, just yet, and I ended up getting distracted by you-tube videos and Spotify (helllllooo, Ed Sheeran’s new album #sodamngood)
What I did find out, though, was that April had a new moon on the 26th.
I (still) have NO idea what that means...but it made me look closer at my calendar this week and what I did realise (very quickly) was that April was nearly bloody over.
I won’t lie...I was kinda happy about it because, well, April just felt a bit average for me.
Not only did I vibe out on unpleasant energy, struggle to be productive and find it hard to stay positive...some old thinking, from way back when, had crept on over me.
Namely, I had noticed myself obsessing a little too much over food, worrying about any slight change in my body and going into these mindless moments of self-doubt, self-loathing and self-sabotage.
I’d slightly switched back over to comparing myself to others and generally just telling myself to push through those feelings when what I needed was to be a bit more compassionate.
I’d been ignoring my intuition, and rebelling against my inner wisdom.
Just this past Sunday (April 30th) I was walking on down to the farmers market, hoping that the stroll might wash some of the dusty energy away.
In the quiet space of the street I noticed that I was having a conversation with myself that went a little something like this:
Me (to me): Oh man it was nice to just sleep with no alarm this morning,
Me (back to me): Yeah, but you should’ve gone for a run...you didn’t run yesterday, either – no wonder you feel a bit stuck lately.
Me (back to that other part of me): I did a huge run a few days ago. I feel like I need the rest and, besides, I’m walking right now...
Me (to the first me): pfft yeah, but it’s only down the road...You know, if you did more than you are doing right now, you’d probably have more energy and be much more successful. Oh, just on that, when you get home today – don’t you think you should sit down and work for a bit? New businesses don’t just run themselves y’know, Megan.
Me (giving in to the mean me): Oh man, you’re so right, I do have heaps to do...and I also want to make some space in the house. Clean out the spare room. Replant the garden. Sweep the courtyard...oh, and I’m dying to try this biscuit recipe I’ve invented for my next book...
Me (to me): Ummm...you really don’t need biscuits. You haven’t run. You had dessert last night and your tummy looks a bit soft lately...I don’t think you deserve that at all...
You see where this is going right?!
Here I was, not even 5 minutes after stepping out of my front door, getting caught up in everything I wasn’t doing, should’ve been doing better and thoughts about how I was just not bloody good enough.
On my, somewhat shallow, dive into the more spiritual side of myself I have also been asking The Universe to send me a sign to help me know that everything is going to be OK. To pull me out of my head and back into my heart when things feel particularly overwhelming. I thought I might be one of the lucky ones to catch a glimpse of the clock at the exact minute it turns to 11:11 or see floating feathers as I just happen to walk under a tree...
But, in this moment of fighting with myself over bookwork and biscuits, I think The Universe knew that it was dealing with someone a little more frenzied and feathers were going to be a bit too subtle for me...I needed a smack in the face.
And then I saw it.
Carved into the path, slightly obscured by tall grass wet with Sunday morning dew.
‘April was here’
I really couldn’t help but laugh. April was here. May would be arriving the next day. And I had a choice.
I could continue to bring my mean self-talk along for the ride and watch as I possibly (probably) slid down the rabbit hole of destruction, distraction and deprivation, or I could wake up and realise that life is moving fast. Whether I make and eat the biscuits because I want to or don’t out of fear and self-hate...the days are going to roll on anyway.
The reality is that I do have plenty to do. And you do, too!
We are always saying to each other how fast the years fly by. How much we need to get done, let alone how much we want to do, how many things we wish we had time for: travelling, reading, hiking, studying, creating, socialising, learning, inspiring...
If you’re anything like me, you probably feel pressed for time at the best of times...
Ask yourself: How many minutes, added up into days, logged into weeks and bundled into YEARS have you been harshly criticising yourself, obsessing about your body, guilt tripping about food and starting over and over again in an effort to be better?
What else could you do with the time (and energy) you waste in your head?!
I don’t mean to get hysterical here (but if I do, I’m sure I can blame it on the moon!) I just want us women, myself included, to see that we have no more time to waste on self-sabotage.
The smack-in-the-face truth is:
If hating ourselves was a successful strategy for being happy, healthy and free, it would have worked by now...
Your body is precious, your health is precious and, darling, so is your TIME. How much longer will you spend in your head at the sacrifice of your heart?
You read it on the path folks, APRIL WAS HERE...
....make May count!
Check out how you can work with me to free yourself from food fear, body hate and the relentless energy roller coaster...from one off sessions to private packages...I’m here to help you make your life delicious, guilt free and full of love!